Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
