the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize