is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
