Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
