Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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