toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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