you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize