Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
