I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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