dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
