Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
