i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
