remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
