My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
