If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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