By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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