You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
