Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize