I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
