R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
