She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The uberlube is also flammable
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
