I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize