i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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