So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
