How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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