...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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