While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
