k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
