Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
