I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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