She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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