i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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