i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
