Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
