i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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