if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
