Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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