you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
