I accidentally had phone sex last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
