We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
