I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
