Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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