Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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