3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thus making me awesome and them whores
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
