is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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