We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize