no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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