yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
