We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
