Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
