He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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