i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
