I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
