and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize