a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
