bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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