sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
