would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
