Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
