guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it was like eating out sand paper
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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