im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
