I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Mom said you looked used
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
