At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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