You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
