best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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