Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
where does the pee come out of this thing
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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