Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
