He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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