We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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