how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
