plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
and you fell through a lawn chair
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
