Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
