I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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