go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a search helicopter?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
