I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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